Healing Part 2…Turning 34 & Navigating Life

So I briefly discussed a little bit about why I took a break from writing and deleted so much content. For one, privacy of my kids. After very scary events, I knew I would be selective about what goes out into the world. I pray people dont have to deal with things I had to deal with in that category at all. And the other dark side of the internet, is the alternate reality.

What I mean by that is….we literally become so focused on “making” it in todays world. How many followers…do all my pictures match… how should I edit a photo to look better…what pictures would help create an online personality for me…but that is changing now!! Yay!

I am so proud of people who have taken a stand against this. They write and post freely. They do not edit their bodies. Following along feels very beautiful and organic. Of course we all want to see lovely photos and peek behind others cutains to see how other people do the things. It is so much fun!! But it has to be taken with a grain of salt. No person is perfect 24/7. They do not have to post the ugly stuff either. We are allowed to reach out in the massive social media platform of today without having to say our kids misbave like everyone elses…we gain weight like everyone else…there are doubts like everyone else and so on…BUT as a collective we shouldnt feel ashamed of that and too scared to talk about it either.

When my private life was getting heavy, I knew I needed to find myself and quickly. I remember mothers mocking what I did online. Suddenly making fun of people who post online and strive to encourage (even though they were breaking too) became popular. I do think people see past the bullshit ultimately. But it is also toxic to see someone trying to pick up their pieces and carry on as usual…..and mocking that. Nothing wrong with carrying on at all. Ever. Period.

If you are following people online who there is no genuine connection with ….please unfollow! I have seen beautiful accounts. Clicked follow. And soon found myself being very critical or just feeling icky every time I saw their pics or stories. Much like friends in real life….you wont like everyone. That is okay!!

For instance, I am not into designer things too much. But I looooove beautiful vintage finds. I am not into fancy cars…but I love a good camper account. I do not love modern homes but I love accounts preserving old ones. I love simple recipes and simple makeup tutorials. So why would I waste my time following someone who is obsessed with designers, drives sports cars and is maximum fabulous? There is nothing wrong with them!! It just is not my vibe. I am not going to be into everything that one person posts either. And that is okay too. Just like most people do love all the things I mentioned above and would be bored to tears following thrift shoppers. Its all good.

I remember when I first started getting a few big accounts following me. And how exciting that was. But again, I was so fragile. The dark stuff swirling about my life was making me feel like a fraud. Imposter syndrome! What a b*tch. I was letting all the hate go straight to my confidence and cracked. Oh the things I heard… from my A to Z. Everything I did was criticized or was told copying… not cute… you get the picture.

And truth be told, I never wanted to be influencer…I wanted to be a writer. But they all started morphing together back when I first started this. And I still am lost when it comes to so much social media. I am truly a goofy person…so yea…my site will never be too color cordinated and sunkissed regularly. And Im okay with that.

So…now that I have discussed a little about why having an online presence was so intimidating…I will revert back to what caused that. I had to deal with private matters. And I still am. So while I am extremely proud of my kids for pretty much just their general breathing…they absolutely have bad days. NORMAL. I am married but there are issues in that marriage…some big… some small. I am a pretty fit woman…with cellulite. I have days where I am very proud and confident and days that I need to curl up and cry. Judge away if you feel the need. But I will always continue to do my best.

Surround yourself with realness. It is rare in todays world. I might even share accounts I find so uplifting soon. But this is the last I really plan to discuss this unless I feel like going into topics deeper. I wanted a disclaimer that it is okay to be broken and repair. I do not post to claim I have it all together. I do it to connect and share love. How blessed we all are to have this type of communication..

Sending love to you all and I will be back after the holiday with some more updates and sharing what my family is into these days. I am turning 34 deep in the mountains of my true home this week. I have so many books,vintage finds and habits I cant wait to discuss too!!

Love you!

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